the further adventures of gentleman richards - 1st chapter

first chapter of new boy. INTRODUCTION, REBUTTAL, & ADDRESS for you. so once again, here we are with the esteemed Christoph L. Richards, and his cast of unfortunate characters. before we proceed with the fiction, the legal department has asked me to inform you that this is indeed a work of fiction- any illusion, or actual jacking of real life or historic events, both real and revisionist, is on purpose and is meant to be taken with extreme seriousness.  this is after all, a work of art. sincerely,  ra washington (we have included Mr. Richards introduction as stated in his contract.) -ed. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "i love him who willeth the creation of something beyond himself, and then perisheth" Zarathustra as told to Nietzsche it was our sincere intention to write a memoir of parts, but after further consideration we felt that my unique story would be best served under the medium of fiction. we sought to upgrade the writer, but we were turned down by all the big names: phil roth steve king walt mosley deanus koonitz delany was only interested in the pornographic elements of my life,  (wait. samuel r. delany- author of DHALGREN) there. but i for one do not find his brand of meta gobble in the form of gay sex very stimulating. perhaps if some hetro fucking was involved, but alas. he is gay, so it must be gay. i dont really believe this, but why not. in any event, the job fell to the relatively unknown ra washington, who although limited in his ability to write, has made up for his lack with zeal and verve. he is not a genius. we are not peers, but i was able to salvage his butcher job into a best seller in several journals, most notably Sports Illustrated Magazine (excellent book review section). i suspect he may be a complete idiot savant. so with the commercial success of HUEBRIS, we come to the crossroads and begin another episode of my life. it has been a one ball(ed) journey, but not without the occasional pinch or two. we have decided to call this one- THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF GENTLEMAN RICHARDS enjoy. Chris Richards, character. *********************************** FOR THE SAKE OF TIME: Simone and Judith SIMONE de Beauvoir: it would seem that after all this time writers would at the very least attempt to have well drawn, fleshy women characters. JUDITH Butler: that's assuming they know any actual women. most male writers have the social skills of small rodents, so they don't know any women besides a sister or mother, an aunt or some such. SIMONE: true, but is it really that difficult? the men characters have interior dialogues, a full range of emotions, passions. but the women characters are set pieces for self loathing, or the bed and a man's ineptitude in bed. they are used as foils to show how brilliant the men characters are. like this book for instance. the two main women characters bare no resemblance to actual women at all. they are just furniture. perhaps you could write a guide book, have that fancy university press of yours put it out. JUDITH: well after my vacation in the Hamptons. i suppose i could smash something together. SIMONE: well there is a perfect epitaph on pg. 75 of the second volume of my autobiography. JUDITH: i did not know you wrote an autobiography! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- REBBECCA  VS. HAMESH SHE was running late, as was her lot after traveling across town to see Ben's band - SEXUAL FREQUENCY. despite knowing better, Rebbecca still thought of herself as the ideal girlfriend. loyal, supportive, docile. god! she hated the term girlfriend. she had not been a girl for some time, and she was not, and would never be a lover's friend. men had no concept. friends don't fuck, friends go to the locaql sports bar and shave each others back. but you had to support the man. support the love, even if he never supported you. besides she hated his music- thought of it worse than Christoph's old band VERNACULAR. (see HUEBRIS, The Notes, due out fall 2010) SO. she was an hour late for work after the second morning quickie. (she did not come the 1st.) but Ben was good, and non-committal like she, and since he was an idiot of sorts and means, he was completely at her wit's mercy. Christoph's ego, really his whole soul lived in debate. that is what she loved about him - at first. what she secretly channelled to make herself actually exist in the world of ideas. she had always felt that it was akin to a sort of social suicide to let MEN in on how smart she was.  when she was twelve or so, Rebbecca heard her mother correcting her father. it was nothing anyone would ever get mad about, a slight as a sneeze amongst the thunder- but her father wanted to remain firmly in the realm of idiot. "no one fears a smart man." he'd once said. Rebbecca still wasn't sure if he mad at his own brain, or disgusted with mama and her for theirs. he went dark at the mere sound of her mother's voice, as if the vocal timbre could scrap along the side of his feeble skull. BEN.          yes, ben was more like her father and when she was completely honest with herself                      (a rare case indeed!) that was the reason why she loved him. the train pulled into the stop, time slowed as the dead - living, working for dreams began the final click of their journey, each secretly praying that dreaming would not cost them more dignity than they had. ************************************************** Analysis of opening chapter and preface by CHRISTOPH L. RICHARDS to with- it seems that our dear Mr. Washington has taken to a more poetic (seeming) approach to the prose of the sequel. while poetry is afforded a prestige that's mostly deserved by the actual poets working in this ancient of mediums, it lends itself to prose through its POESY! (see Ezra Pound's Guide to Kulchur) very well then, Washington may indeed be an idiot, we will see. **************************** MAXIMUS ALARMIST         do you still think about her? the candle flicker brought Hamesh's eastern features to the fore, her eyes were white hot. why do you ask?         only you would think its okay to answer a direct question with a question.         last night you called me her fucking name! Christoph had never seen her mouth turn acid, all of the color in her lips had gone terse. if i did call you Rebbecca, it was surely in the middle of an awful dream or some such. its not as if i wished you not to be here. come on baby, i know you better than to be jeal-                                     she cut him.         no Chris, i know you. you live so much of our stupid life together in your         head. it seems only natural that you would slip up like this. am i not enough?         don't you feel loved? am i not enough.                                     Hamesh tore at her blouse, exposing her soft and hard to him. her breath ragged and salt.                 PAIN HAS AN ELEMENT OF BLANK                 pain has an element of Blank-                 it cannot reconnect                 when it begun- or there were                 a time when it was not-                 it has no future- but- itself                         - Emily Dickinson  some of the storm had passed, but Christoph still could not sleep. he could hear the slight purr of his lover, he oblivious to what she had actually accused him of, tried not to think about her, about Rebbecca, about himself. there was something quiet in the house that enraged him. had we become so old and scared of dying that we had forgotten how to live. how to be with each other. everything between was odd swords. tin words, and silence. oh, the silence. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A PROXIMITY BREACH OF SORTS in a four unit apt building there usually at least one tenant that drives the building past an acceptable level of craziness, or noise. nor did they care. the building that Hamesh lived in was one of these buildings times ten. for the neighbors next door - Claude and Breen were the most notorious laughers in the TRI- State area. everywhere they went, and more to the point - they went everywhere with each other they were hysterical- two wee kittens on a sugar rush.  Claude was peanut butter brown (the local madame DEE said he looked like Eric Benet) with large coon eyes, and a perfect Cosby nose. his curls looked as if he had sprayed curl activator and placed his head in the oven for twenty minutes to cook. Breen was petite, and fair skinned with eye brows that arched naturally as if tweezed. his cackle was high pitched, and he possessed the most ridiculous set of muscles stack onto the skinniest chicken stalks ever invented. he also possessed the longest tongue know to modern man. it furled an amazing 12 inches.  both were consumed by a love of drink, both were considered gay by common folk, and gods by art brut chicks wanting to get their pretty nig freak on. of course as novels like this go, Christoph hated them and that only made them louder. it was so bad that Hamesh actually considered moving to christoph's place till the building blew up last winter because of faulty electrical wiring mixed with lit crack pipe. (see HUEbris Appendix on sale Fall '09) ************************************************* our little systems have their day; they have their day and cease to be.         - Thomas Merton the clinic was quiet for once, so Hamesh let herself relax in her office, flipping through a public health journal as if it was written in braille. she had wanted to be a doctor since she was a girl, her mother was, and so was both her sisters. but they did it for money, plain and simple. she did as a passion, and secretly despised herself for it all for she knew that deep down it was not her keen social justice, but because she wanted to distinguish herself from her sisters (names? come on, you not gonna remember?) who had always excelled. always at the top of the class, always prettier, richer, with better taste in men. she was the runt, skinny to an almost alarming stature. sure, she was curvy, but she was kind of boxy as well.  DAMN, she thought. why am i doing this in my head.  she knew it was not true. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Amendment of the previous paragraph by Christoph L. Richards while i agree with most of the portrait drawn of my dear lover- she is in fact quite boxy, and a tad chubby come to think of it. which is a luxury that her people only have here in the states. if she was still living in INDIA, she would be as thin as an ETHIOPIAN.  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ SEXUAL DEVIANT AND THE SLEEP AROUND BEER a spider of dust traced the street light throughout the room, a pulse was kept by the hiss of the steam heat, its counter point- the hum of a neighbors TV, the air in the apartment felt light, perhaps because once again they drank too much, too fast- but they had reason to celebrate. Christoph had finally sold his radio piece about meta fiction and it would air next week. Hamesh cooked a dinner filled with burnt smells, and muted tastes- he choked it down with beer and gaul, each swig pushed the nasty bite down his throat. she knew she could not cook, it was one of those unspoken truths between them. if they ate at home, it was Christoph, not Hamesh, who provided the spread. NOW, after her two bottles of red, and his twelve pack of a local micro brew - she swept along in full silk, the candles flickered winter, it was really bodice, tight and sheer- her face made up gypsy. it made his middle grow, and pump at the seams of his jeans. Christoph tried to ignore the heartburn scorching at his chest, and throat.  it was rare event when they played at seduction, usually it was a late night moan, and rub, a few awkward tongueless pecks and over. him satisfied in his mind, and ashamed in his body. but this night, oh, this night! he would give her orgasm after orgasm, he would destroy her with the pleasure surging up. Hamesh twirled, and swooped to the anti rhythm and fell to her knees - Christoph, surprised and aroused, gripped at the arms of the chairs - a life-raft on the Titantic.  he was SHINE- he would not drown, no matter how black his heart was. she asked,          what do you want me to do with this? she grabbed his middle and stroked toward the sun. he flushed, his heart suddenly seized up and the fire came rushing up. the smell came before the sound, and Hamesh fell back confused, and totally engulfed in the most awful burp ever created.  the house smelled like rancid pork, and beans. then another, more powerful belch - threw Christoph from his chair, and into a projectile vomit that lasted a few minutes that slowly turned to dry heaving, and burping. when he came out of the gastro trance, he realized that the first volley of gut landed all over Hamesh. her face was pale and twisted. he had no words. again she was covered in him and again it was epic. he chuckled as he lifted her from the floor- the smell of his guts, twining with her sweet perfume. ------------------------------------------------FIN.______________________________ (end of Chapter One)